My Heaven, My Hell
by lacrymosa-91
Summary: Jacob Black knows how heartbreak tastes like.It tastes like tears and need, like masochistic longing.It has the taste of Paul's lips and the warmth of his caramel skin. It is suffocating, scorching and crushing all at once. It makes him wish he was dead.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** My heaven, My hell

**Author:** Lacrymosa_91

**Fandom**: Twilight

**Pairing:** Jacob/Paul; mentions of Paul/Rachel

**Rating:** NC~17

**Declaimer:** I do not own any of the recognizable characters, plots or conceptions of Twilight, unfortunately. They belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**Summary:** Paul is his drug… his pain… the one who holds Jacob's heart in his hands. The only one who can bring him to the highest heaven or throw him into the deepest, infernal abyss… But Jacob is sure… he knows that heavens shall not be his… not in this life.

**A/N1:** This is a sequel to my one shot "Last Kiss" . You seemed to like it very much so I decided to write a more fleshed out follow up piece to it. It is split into two parts because it turned out too long. I am still working on the second part, though. I recommend you read "Last Kiss" first before reading "My heaven, My Hell" . Of course it can be read as a stand alone fic but reading the two fics will give you more complete notion about the whole thing. I hope that you will like it. I am really curious to know what do you think. :)

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><p><strong> ~My Heaven, My Hell~<strong>

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><p>It is dark and stuffy. The only light entering the room is the slight silvery glow of the moon, creeping over the wall across from the window.<p>

He is staring at the ceiling, his eyes focused ahead of him but seeing nothing. His breathing is heavy and slow, his heart pounding in his ears. The white covers that are wrapped around his sweat slicked body are making him feel even hotter than he already is…

A muffled moan of ecstasy echoes from the room next to his, it vibrates over the thin walls and Jacob's hands fist into the sheets desperately as he fights against the urge to bang a few times on the wall in order to make them stop….

Jacob knows that his fist will probably break through it and he is sure that once he has started he won't be able to restrain himself…. He will shatter everything that comes in his way…

The loud, ardent cries slowly fade to mere whimpers and choked gasps and Jacob shifts in the bed and turns on his side. He buries his face in the pillow as he groans into it and digs his nails into the mattress.

Can't she just come already…?

He hates it. He hates the fact that he has to be here, he hates the fact that he is forced to listen to them making love every single night…

"Oh, God!" He hears his sister exclaim breathlessly and his whole body goes rigid and his loins clench in need at the sound of the husky, masculine moan that echoes in response.

Paul sounds different now… he is more quiet and restrained and Jacob knows the reason. Rachel can't treat him the way Jacob has…. She can't give Paul what Jacob used to give him. She can't wrench out from Paul the sounds that Jacob used to wring out from him. When Paul is with Rachel he doesn't whimper, he doesn't cry out… he is not whining between choked moans and begging for more.

He wants them to finish already. He wants it all to be over at least for tonight but he knows that that is just wishful thinking.

To his great frustration Jacob is hard again… hard and longing, like every single time this is happening. His treacherous body responds, reacts and swallows avidly every single sound that Paul makes…. Every single groan or quiet moan, every single sigh and muffled cry go straight to Jacob's throbbing erection and make him even harder than he already is.

Jacob can't touch Paul, he is not allowed to hold him. He can't have him… but his body just refuses to accept that fact. It still longs for what is not his… it still aches for that luscious, alluring flesh, silky skin and hot inviting tightness that used to constrict around him so bitter-sweetly.

Eventually the loud and breathless moans slow down and become more silent and quiet and Jacob bites at his lower lip harshly when he finally hears his sister voicing her climax.

Rachel cries out Paul's name a couple of times before she lets out an ardent, fervent moan and the rhythmical, faint bangs of the headboard against the wall finally come to a halt.

Jacob's heart clenches inside his chest and his straining manhood twitches painfully at the sound of the strangled, husky moan of completion that leaves Paul's throat.

It's over….

Dead, tangible silence sets in and Jacob's hand slowly releases the sheet. His fingers are tingling and rigid from the hard grip and he flexes them a couple of times to relieve some of the slight pain as a silent sigh leaves his lips.

He doesn't know what is worse – listening to them doing it or the heavy silence that sets in afterwards when he pictures them falling asleep, entangled in each other's arms in the wet sheets.

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><p>The old, wooden floorboards creak under his bare feet as he makes his way downstairs and to the kitchen. He knows that he won't be able to fall asleep tonight, like many other nights before and there is no use in forcing himself to lie in the bed and stare at the ceiling for hours.<p>

He doesn't turn the lights on, he prefers the soothing light of the moon that prevents the room from being completely dark. Jacob pours himself a glass of water and sits on the heavy, solid wooden table that is in the middle of the kitchen.

He takes a little sip from the cool liquid and swallows it slowly as his eyes slide closed.

It's been four months. Four months since that desperate, bitter and filled with pain, rainy night in the woods when he has had Paul, made love to him, when he has kissed and tasted his lips for last time. And to Jacob it seems like it has happened yesterday.

They say that time heals everything, but there is no one other than Jacob who can say without a doubt that this is a big, fucking lie.

It doesn't help. No matter how much time passes, no matter how many days and nights pass it still hurts the same way, his chest still burns and clenches in agony. The pain is not subsiding, it only grows and becomes deeper and darker. His jealousy grips him by the throat every single time he sees them together, it chokes him, leaves him breathless with disdain, envy and frustration.

And the most absurd thing is that he can't hate Paul. Yes, he can hate Rachel, he can despise and loathe his own flesh and blood. His own sister is an enemy to him, she is the reason why he has lost the only thing that has really mattered to him.

But Jacob can't hate Paul no matter how hard he tries. Every single time when he stares into those chocolate hued brown depths he feels weak, yielding and disarmed… he feels like he is sinking into longing and craving laced abyss of which there is no escape… of which there is no way out.

He just can't fight it, he can't fight the unbearable desire that inflames his insides every single time he sees Paul, he can't fight the corrupting heat that swallows his whole body when his eyes meet Paul's accidentally over the table at dinner.

And what hurts the most is that Paul is so close, so painfully and torturously close that he can smell him. Jacob can feel the heat of his flesh when they pass by each other at the doorway every morning.

Paul is so incredibly close and yet so far away. And the more Jacob muses upon it the more confused and desperate he feels. He doesn't know what to think or do anymore, he doesn't know how to escape from it or whether he wants to escape.

Jacob knows that the nature of his feelings is warped, masochistic and self-destructive but that doesn't make it less painful or difficult to pull away from Paul.

It hurts to be close to him but it will be twice more painful and torturing to be away from what his body and heart crave for.

Jacob is so engrossed in his musings that he doesn't hear the soft footsteps that slowly near the kitchen until suddenly the lights are on and his head snaps up to find Paul standing by the doorway, his hand still resting on the light switch.

Paul gasps lightly as he stares at Jacob with wide eyes, his body visibly tensing and Jacob finds himself inhaling deeply.

Neither of them has expected to find the other one here.

Jacob puts the glass of water on the table as he slowly stands up from the wooden piece of furniture and stares at the other boy expectantly.

He wonders what it will be this time – cold reticence or awkward ignorance.

For a minute Paul doesn't say anything, he doesn't even move and Jacob curses himself when his eyes unconsciously slide slowly over the other boy's body with hunger and pained yearning.

Paul has just a white towel wrapped around his hips, his chest glistening slightly with tiny beads of water and his short hair still visibly damp from the shower he has obviously taken.

Paul bites at his lower lip nervously as he inhales slowly through his nose and his hands cross defensively in front of his chest.

"I-I didn't know that you are here…." He mumbles quietly, his gaze cast downwards, his eyes avoiding Jacob's purposefully. "You probably want to be alone…so I will just…"

"You won't even look at me, will you?"

"Jacob…don't…"

"Don't what?" Jacob whispers firmly as he approaches the other boy, his eyes narrowing as he stares at Paul's face, his chest swelling with a strange mixture of bitter longing and frustration. "Jacob, don't do this!... Jacob, don't start again! "

Paul lets out a shaky breath as he closes his eyes briefly and bents his head slightly. He doesn't answer. He just wraps his arms around himself as he takes a step back and tries to leave the room. But he doesn't manage to go far before Jacob grabs at his arm and pulls him back. A choked gasp leaves Paul's lips when Jacob's arms wraps around his waist and keep him firmly in place.

"Jacob!"

Jacob doesn't say anything as his nuzzles Paul's temple softly and his grip around the boy in his arms tightens. It feels so good to hold Paul again, to touch him, to feel his heart thudding wildly against his own. Paul's skin burns against his, it makes Jacob's breath come out in soft, irregular pants.

"Let me go!" Paul says in a harsh whisper as he tries to push the other boy away. "Jacob, stop it! This is…"

"What? Ridiculous? Stupid? Pathetic?... Insane?" Jacob's hands grab at Paul's shoulders and push him against the wall, effectively trapping him between his body and the hard surface. "Am I insane, Paul?"

Jacob closes his eyes briefly as he inhales deeply through his nose. His mind is dazed with anxiety, confusion and painful anger while his body aches for the other boy's, tingles with need and torturing craving. Jacob doesn't even know why he is doing this, he doesn't know what will happen next. All he knows is that the strange jumble of emotions boiling inside his chest makes him challenge Paul, makes him want to see what Paul will actually do.

He is tired of the games, of Paul's ignorance or silent coldness, he is tired from the endless cycle of avoiding each other, of the constant pretences and acting as though nothing happened. Something has actually happened between them and Jacob would be damned if he let Paul forget that.

"Yes! You are!" Paul snarls and pushes the other boy away. "What the fuck do you think you are doing!

Jacob's eyes narrow, his lips pressing into a thin line as he stares at the other boy and approaches him again. Paul doesn't even manage to gasp when he is slammed against the wall for a second time that night, Jacob's fingers digging into his shoulders. Jacob presses his forehead against the other boy's and Paul squeezes his eyes shut.

He pushes his knee between the other male's thighs and Paul's breath hitches in his throat as Jacob slowly runs his hand along his side until it reaches his towel clad hip. Paul bites at his lower lip harshly when he feels his body immediately respond to the touch, his skin shivering in anticipation.

"See? …this is insane…." Jacob chuckles huskily, the sound completely void of humor. He rubs his nose against Paul's throat, his lips brushing against the soft skin. The kiss is so soft and lingering that it makes Paul shudder and tremble as the tip of Jacob's tongue slides against his neck.

"You still react in the same way…. You still shake like a leaf when I touch you… your breath still hitches…. Your heart beats so fast that it will burst through your ribcage…" He mumbles quietly, his hands resting on Paul's narrow hips. "Isn't it insane, huh? You can't deny it… you can neither hide it nor ignore it… your own body is betraying you. It can't lie or pretend… it can't play games…"

"L-let me go…" Paul barely manages to choke out as his hands press against Jacob's bare chest weakly, in a pathetic attempt to push him away. His body feels so weak and languid, so lax and pliant, so treacherously avid and hungry for Jacob's touch, for his hands and caresses.

"Do you want me to?"

"Jake…"

"Do you want me to me to let you go?"

Paul inhales deeply, his eyes still tightly shut as he trembles in Jacob's arms, his chest raising and falling erratically as he pants softly.

"Yes…"

"Look at me…" Jacob mumbles as his fingers brush against the other boy's chin, making Paul title his head. "Open your eyes, look at me and tell me that you want me to let you go and I will…. "

"Jake, don't do that…."

Jacob's hands slide from the boy's hips to his buttocks and rest firmly on Paul's pert behind. He presses Paul harder against the wall, his thigh pressing more demandingly against the boy's crotch. Paul whimpers silently, his hands gripping on instinct at Jacob's biceps as he feels his body quickly giving into the kindling touches.

"Come on, Paul …. Tell me that you don't want me! Tell me that you never think about me when you lie next to her…"

"Rachel is my…"

"Tell me that you don't think about me when you fuck her!"

Paul almost gasps, his eyes locking with Jacob's dark orbs and meeting shimmering with frustration and passion gaze. He shakes his head furiously and pushes Jacob away with a jerky movement.

"Do you, Paul?"

"You are crazy!" Paul whispers with agitation, trying desperately to ignore the torturing tingles that spread through his body when Jacob just stares at him with the same heated look, his lips slowly curling into bitter, cynical smile as he reaches for Paul again.

"It's true… isn't it?" He sneers as he sees the desperate and helpless expression that crosses the other boy's face. "She can't touch you like I do… she can't give you what I can…."

Paul inhales deeply as he hides his face in his hands and shakes his head lightly. He is surrendering, slowly but surely. Paul is giving in, Jacob can feel it, he can feel his resistance crumbling little by little with every word or touch, with every heated gaze he casts upon him.

"We both need this… we need it Paul and you know it…"

He cups Paul's face with his hands and makes him raise his head. Paul is shaking so violently now that Jacob can feel the tremors running through his own body when he presses the other boy against his chest.

"Jake, don't want this from me…. just don't …."

Paul feels so weak in his arms, so pliant and helpless that Jacob feels as though he will break him if he presses him any harder. His eyes flicker to his lips and the desire to taste them leaves him breathless with need and ravenous longing. They look so succulent, so soft and luscious that he finds himself swallowing thickly, his throat suddenly becoming tight and dry.

"Let me go…, Jacob…." Paul all but rasps as he squeezes his eyes tightly shut, still refusing to look the other boy in the eyes. He can't meet Jacob's gaze, can't bring himself to lift his head and look into those dark brown orbs because deep down he knows that he won't be able to stand it, he knows that if he does it, his already weak resistance will be shattered completely.

"Look at me…."

"No…"

Jacob feels his self control slipping through his fingers as his eyes are focused on those tempting lips, watching them curling softly to form a weak "No." Paul shakes his head slightly as he runs the tip of his tongue over his lips nervously and that is all it takes for Jacob to completely lose it.

All Paul manages is a startled gasp as Jacob slams their lips together in a forceful, hungry kiss. Paul's whole body immediately reacts to the assault, it shivers in traitorous excitement and anticipation. Jacob's arms wrap tightly around him as he lifts Paul's shaking figure and puts him on the table. Jacob clutches at him harder, his demanding tongue runs over the seal of the other boy's lips and pries them open as it slips eagerly inside Paul's hot mouth.

At first Paul tries to fight it but his resistance quickly melts away under the drugging power of the hard kiss. He just can't help it, he moans loudly as Jacob ravishes his mouth forcefully, his lips being greedily sucked and nibbled on, his tongue being caressed teasingly and gradually goaded into action.

His hands instinctively grab at Jacob's shoulders for support, his shaking fingers digging into the heated hard flesh. Jacob growls into Paul's mouth as he grips at his quivering thighs tightly and spreads them in a swift motion as he moves to stand between Paul's legs, pressing their crotches together.

Paul's breath comes short, his heart painfully hammering against his ribcage as he wraps his legs around Jacob's hips on instinct. The kiss leaves him breathless, he feels as though he will lose consciousness in any moment, the lack of oxygen making him feel dizzy and intoxicated. Jacob kisses him with so much hunger, need and famished yearning that he will suffocate them both with greedy passion and desire.

"J- Jake…" Paul chokes out in a croaked gasp as Jacob finally pulls away only to attack his neck, mere seconds later, his pearly white teeth scrapping against the soft skin. Paul whimpers as he buries his fingers into the inky black locks of the other boy's short, spiky hair and Jacob growls against his neck as he pulls him closer, pressing him harder against his chest.

"Tell me to stop…." Jacob rasps against his neck and he feels how the smooth skin shivers under his fingers as his hands slide slowly over hard thighs, pushing the towel away." Tell me to stop… and I will, Paul…"

Paul doesn't say anything as he just clings harder to Jacob, his body shaking, his breath uneven and shallow as he buries his face in Jacob's shoulder. Jacob takes it as a positive answer, he doesn't need actual response, he doesn't need words in order to understand. His hands slide higher over quivering thighs as Paul's nails dig into his shoulder.

"I hate you…." Paul whispers breathlessly against his heated skin and Jacob's hands stop their motion. "I hate you so much…. "

He does hate it. He hates the way his body reacts to Jacob's touch, how it shivers and quivers with need and longing every single time Jacob looks at him, every single time when those dark orbs stop on him. It is a torture, pure torture to live in the same house with him, to see him every day, to bear that sad, bitter and famished look in his eyes.

"I know… but that doesn't change anything…. "

Paul squeezes his eyes shut as he presses himself even closer against the other boy's chest, his heart beating wildly, as though it wants to burst out if his chest and escape…. Escape from the pain, from the unbearable need… to escape from Jacob.

"You still want me…." Jacob whispers quietly as he strokes Paul's thighs lightly. "You imprinted on her… but you still can't leg go… still can't overcome it…. Just like me, Paul you will never be able to forget…"

Jacob presses their foreheads together and this time when his lips claim Paul's it isn't forceful or against his will. Paul lets a faint sigh as he opens up obediently when Jacob's tongue slowly slides inside his mouth.

Jacob's fingers slide over Paul's heated flesh and slowly unwrap the towel from around his waist. The white fluffy cloth falls on the floor and Jacob's hands rest on Paul's knees as he urgently pushes his legs apart, making space for himself. Paul's naked body presses against him impatiently, with bitter, helpless need, his legs wrapping rigidly around Jacob's hips, keeping him firmly in place as their crotches press together tightly, the feeling making them both moan.

Jacob almost gasps when he feels warm, shaking hand sliding inside his grey sweat pants and wrapping hesitantly around his rigid shaft. Paul's lips linger down his jaw line and press softly against his neck, his breath shaky and scorching hot against Jacob's skin, making him shiver and tighten his grip on the other boy's knees.

"Are you going to fuck me now?" Paul asks quietly, his chest swelling with deep intake of air and Jacob can feel him trembling lightly, Paul's hand slightly tightening its grip around his erection.

"Do you want me to?"

Paul remains silent, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly as he swallows thickly and buries his face in Jacob's neck, his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"Tell me you want me…" Jacob almost snarls, his fingers digging into Paul's quivering thighs, his lips moving to the other boy's ear. "Tell me you want me, Paul!"

"I…I …" Paul stutters, his throat getting tight and dry as he feels Jacob hardening and growing in his hand, his hot breath burning his skin. "I want you… I do, Jake…"

Jacob's lips curl into barely noticeable, bitter smile as he suddenly grabs at Paul's thighs and pulls him harshly against himself with a curt, fast movement, making him lie on the table, his back hitting the hard wooden surface.

"Beg me!" Jacob growls, his hands spreading Paul's legs demandingly, his bulging crotch pressing against the other boy's bare bottom, making him gasp sharply. "Beg me, Paul! Beg me to fuck you!"

Paul's eyes widen, his mouth gaping a couple of times as he stares at Jacob unbelievingly, his pupils so dilated that his eyes look more black than brown. He doesn't say anything though, his eyes holding Jacob's shimmering gaze with something between hurt and torturing longing, and his lack of action or response only makes Jacob become more aggressive.

Jacob wants him to beg, he wants Paul to say it, to fucking utter aloud that he wants this, that he needs it just as bad as him. Jacob has been denying himself what he truly wants for so long and now the desire is almost blinding him, his body screaming and craving to finally have Paul, to claim him in a way that nobody else can. Though he needs to hear it, to hear the words leaving Paul's lips, to finally wrench from Paul his real desires and shatter all the lame pretenses and passive, defensive demeanor.

It is almost unbelievable how bitter he has gotten, how the bloody, sticky agony of his broken heart has corrupted him, corroded him from the inside like gangrene. Jacob has become cynical, aggressive, edgy and filled with resentment and frustrated bitterness. His father has said that he can't recognize his son and Jacob is so wounded and damaged that he doesn't know who he really is… not anymore. This is killing him, the pain, the excruciating agony of seeing them together every day, the nights when he has to listen to Rachel's cries and moans….

He is dying from the inside… his pain mingled with torturing, constant and agonizing longing, longing for something that is not his and never will be…

He can't have Paul, no matter what he does Paul will never belong to him. Jacob's mind comprehends it… but his heart just refuses to do so. And it still beats treacherously, stiffens and bleeds for Paul… bleeds with anguished stubbornness and affliction that some day will lead Jacob to his end…

Paul remains silent, his eyes tightly shut, his chest heaving erratically and Jacob's grip on his thighs loosens slightly, his fingers shaking as he caresses the smooth skin softly before pulling away. His eyes slide closed and he exhales slowly as he forces himself to let Paul go… his chest filling with remorse and regret…

This is madness… Paul is right…. What they are doing is insane…. A pathetic act of desperation and aching, scorching craving that will lead them nowhere… that will leave them even more broken, damaged and afflicted than before….

He doesn't manage to make even a single step before long, shaky fingers curl around his wrist and pull him back. Hot, urgent and avid lips press against his with famished craving and Jacob almost gasps when Paul's naked body presses against his desperately, compellingly as long arms wrap around his neck tightly. Paul refuses to let him go…. Refuses to let Jacob move away from him…

Jacob doesn't move… he forces himself not to react but then Paul all but sobs against lips and that simple quiet sound shatters his resistance as a house of cards, it rakes at his bleeding heart and leaves him unable even to try to pull away.

"Please Jacob… p-please…"

Jacob just groans, his tongue prying open Paul's lips and delving inside with urgent yearning as he pushes him to lie on the table again, a low growl leaving his lips as hot, alluring thighs wrap around his hips, pulling him closer desperately.

Paul has such immense power over him… the power to make Jacob powerless…

Jacob yields immediately. That's how weak, feeble and pathetic his resistance is. A broken sob and a few breathlessly whispered words are enough to crush his rotten will… Only Paul can do this to him…. Only Paul can break and snap him so easily…

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><p><em><strong>TBC<strong>_


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** My heaven, My hell

**Author:** Lacrymosa_91

**Fandom**: Twilight

**Pairing:** Jacob/Paul; mentions of Paul/Rachel

**Rating:** NC~17

**Declaimer:** I do not own any of the recognizable characters, plots or conceptions of Twilight, unfortunately. They belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**Summary:** Paul is his drug… his pain… the one who holds Jacob's heart in his hands. The only one who can bring him to the highest heaven or throw him into the deepest, infernal abyss… But Jacob is sure… he knows that heavens shall not be his… not in this life.

**A/N1:** This is a sequel to my one shot "Last Kiss" . You seemed to like it very much so I decided to write a more fleshed out follow up piece to it.

**A/N2:** Hey guys! First of all I want to say that this update wasn't planned... not at all. Currently, I am in the middle of pretty intense exam session, which means no time for writing whatsoever. Though, I had a day off and I used it to finish this chapter. Initially I wanted to update my three stories in the same day but since the second part of Chapter 12 of Two Parts Of One Whole is not finished yet, my previous plans won't be executed. But one out of three is better done nothing, isn't it? This is the second, last chapter of My Heaven, My Hell and I really hope that you will like it and enjoy reading it while waiting for the updates of my other stories.

**A/N3:** Special thanks to everybody who reviews, adds me and my stories to their fave and alert lists. Thank you! I feel really really appreciated! Thanks for all love! :)

My personal, warmest gratitude to :**, twimama77, BlackDiamonds.32.20.54, , laffertyluver23, iJeedai, , GoinnGaGa, The Sey, Shayla, , Careless Whisper, Amy,**

Thank you for the support and for reviewing the previous chapter!

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><p><strong>~My Heaven, My Hell~ <strong>

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><p><em>Paul has such immense power over him… the power to make Jacob powerless…<em>

_Jacob yields immediately. That's how weak, feeble and pathetic his resistance is. A broken sob and a few breathlessly whispered words are enough to crush his rotten will… Only Paul can do this to him…. Only Paul can break and snap him so easily…_

Shaky, eager hands tug at his sweat pants and Jacob removes the piece of clothing urgently, the gray garment thrown on the floor, next to the white towel that has been wrapped around Paul's hips. Greedy, shaking hands roam over taut, feverish and heated flesh – rubbing, stroking, caressing. For so long they haven't touched each other… haven't held each other.

Paul breaks the kiss with a choked whimper and Jacob barely has the time to react when a warm, hand grabs at his. His index and middle finger being engulfed by hot, moist heat. He closes his eyes, soft pants leaving his lips as Paul's tongue swirls around his finger tips, before the boy sucks the two digits deeply into his mouth, coating them thoroughly with saliva. Jacob can feel his straining erection throb and twitch. Every time when that hot, wet tongue wraps around his fingers an electrifying jolt, crawls down his spine and settles firmly at his crotch. He does remember vividly, he knows what this sinful mouth is capable of.

The raw passion that Paul stirs in him is almost irrational. The sight of Paul's heavily hooded with lust eyes, his red, swollen lips wrapped around Jacob's now glistening with saliva digits, the wanton way in which Paul moans as he suckles on the fingers…

If it continues like this Jacob knows that he will positively lose his mind. He pulls his fingers out of Paul's hot mouth, making the boy whine in protest, only to gasp a couple of seconds later as Jacob trails the wet digits over the cleft of his behind.

Enough foreplay… Jacob knows that neither of them would be able to endure the waiting much longer…

He is not surprised as he barely manages to push a single finger inside. Paul hasn't been taken for months, and his healing abilities have practically made him virginally tight, as though he has never been touched. Jacob pushes his finger in slowly, carefully, letting his eyes fall closed for a second as intense surge of heat and tightness washes over him. His chest heaves a couple of times as he tries to clear his mind, to concentrate on preparing the other boy for what is about to come.

Paul nearly cries as out as the finger is eventually pushed all the way in and Jacob grips at his thigh with his free hand, keeping the other boy firmly in place as Paul starts shaking violently.

"M-more…" He hears a broken, hushed whimper after a couple of minutes, his breath hitching at the sight of Paul gripping at the edge of the table, his lower lip pulled between his teeth.

"We have to take it slowly…. You are too tight…."

"More… Jake…."

"We can't …. It will hurt…"

"I can take it…"

"Paul…"

"I-I said that I can take it…." Paul whispers his voice hoarse and demanding. "Just… just do it…"

Jacob just inhales deeply as he grabs at Paul's right hip while pushing one more finger inside. It slips in with quite effort, Paul's chest wrenching with a strangled whimper as Jacob moves the two fingers inside of him, slowly pushing deeper before puling out.

Time seems to slow down, as he is curling and scissoring his fingers, adding gently a third and stroking that so special spot inside of the other boy, making Paul arch his back and writhe on top of the table.

"I-I am r-ready…"

"You are not… you are still too tight for me…"

Paul groans as he pulls away slightly, making Jacob's fingers slip out from him as he sits on the edge of the table, his shaking hands wrapping around Jacob's swollen erection and stroking it firmly. He presses their foreheads together, their hot, moist breaths mingling as Paul rubs his nose against Jacob's – the gesture so soft and affectionate, making Jacob remember clearly that rainy, stormy night a few months ago when Paul has done exactly the same…

"I need you… I want you inside me…" Paul whispers feverishly, his moist, sweet breath caressing Jacob's lips. "F-Fill me, Jake…"

Paul's guts clench with agitation as Jacob's chest rumbles with a low growl, and he can practically feel him twitch in his hand.

Paul barely manages to react when heated, hungry lips crush against his with savage yearning, and strong, demanding hands lift him in the air, making him whine in surprise. Jacob almost forces the other boy's quivering legs to wrap around his hips as he presses Paul to his chest with one hand, while with the other he guides himself inside the boy's quivering, scorching heat. Jacob hisses through clenched teeth as the first inch slides inside not too easily and Paul's nails dig into the heated flesh of his shoulders, almost drawing blood as his thighs tighten their grip around Jacob's waist.

Paul feels so burningly hot around him, so impossibly tight and inviting that it costs all of Jacob's self control to keep it slow and not to just thrust all the way in and burry himself inside of the boy to the hilt.

It is pure agony, the torturous slow pace with which he is pushing in, penetrating Paul inch by stinging, excruciating inch leaves them both breathless and on the brim of insanity. Paul is shaking so hard in his arms, his nails raking at Jacob's back, face buried in his neck, low, choked whimpers leaving his kiss swollen lips.

By the time Jacob is completely buried in the velvety confines of Paul's insides they both are covered in light sheen of sweat, harsh, fast and almost painful pants wrenching their chests.

Jacob stops for a minute to catch his breath, he is barely containing himself, his hands gripping rigidly at Paul's hips as he is desperately trying to suppress the almost overwhelming urge to thrust, to move within that inviting, smoldering heat. Paul feels so strained around him, tense, impossibly tight and Jacob knows that if he actually thrusts now and as hard as he actually desires to he will rip him open.

Hot, thick liquid is dripping down his shoulder blades, running down the heated skin of his back and Jacob feels his skin stinging faintly just where Paul's nails are digging into his flesh. The smell of his own blood reaches his nostrils but he doesn't even acknowledge it, his senses intoxicated with the feeling of Paul's shaking form against his, with the feeling of Paul's overwhelming tightness clenched rigidly around him.

Paul's breathing is labored, hot and uneven against the skin of his neck and Jacob moves slowly to the table again, carefully lowering the other boy onto it, laying Paul on his back. Paul whimpers faintly as the slight movement stirs dull, throbbing pain in his lower abdomen, his nails digging deeper into Jacob's flesh.

Their lips lock in a soft, heated kiss, Jacob's hands stroking the other boy's thighs lightly and a low groan leaves his throat when Paul's rigid, desperate grip on his back loosens ever so slightly.

"Shh…" Jacob whispers softly, soothingly as his lips press against Paul's feverish forehead and flushed cheeks. He sees how Paul's thick eyelashes flutter slightly, and then Jacob's eyes meet a pair of clouded over in lust and sparkling with unshed tears dark orbs.

"P-Paul…" He starts but whatever he has to say is forgotten when Paul presses their lips together, his hands sliding up and down Jacob's marred by gashes and stained with blood back. The iron grip of his muscles around Jacob relaxing gradually as his body slowly accepts the intrusion.

Paul's chest rises and falls erratically as he breathes deeply and Jacob lets his eyes fall closed when he feels warm, soft lips sliding over his jaw line, down his neck and shoulder, Paul's ankles locking tightly around his waist.

He knows that it is okay to move now, he doesn't need to ask or hesitate – Paul is ready, ready for him. Taking a deep, shuddering breath Jacob slowly and carefully pulls out, his legs starting to shake in that instant second when he feels pleasurable tingles crawl from his groin up his spine. Paul gasps faintly and buries his face in Jacob's neck, his abs clenching with each labored intake of air as his pelvis jerks fervently a couple of times and Jacob's hands immediately clamp around his hips, steadily holding him in place.

The first few thrusts are almost torturously slow. Jacob's skin is glistening with sweat as he struggles to maintain his control, to keep the pace even and slow enough in order for Paul to adjust to the penetration.

"…H-had almost forgotten how g-good you f-feel…" Paul pants against his lips and Jacob feels his guts clench in agitation as his hips involuntarily snap forward more violently. The scorching tightness wrapped around him constricts even more harshly and Paul's nails bite into Jacob's back again as a strangled half whine, half moan spills from his lips.

Jacob presses their foreheads together, their eyes meeting as his pace increases slowly but surely. The feeling of having Paul, taking him, being inside of him again leaves Jacob breathless and shuddering with rapture. The pleasure is corrupting, overwhelming, bittersweet. It makes his body burn in elation while his heart clenches at the thought that it won't last longer than this night. After this night he will be left with nothing... even emptier, more damaged, more broken than before. The moment the sun rises, Paul will be Rachel's again, not his.

Warm fingers caress his cheeks soothingly as Paul cups his face and rubs their noses together. The temperature their bodies reach is almost feverish, the air around them thick with heat as their lips meet in slow, sensual, deep kiss. Jacob's thrusts grow harder, voracious, urgent as he swallows every single moan or cry the other boy lets out. The table creaks and shakes faintly under their entwined bodies as Paul arches towards Jacob, meeting with fervor every push, taking him deeper, clenching and constricting around him in agonizing primal rhythm.

Jacob feels himself growing weaker with each buck of his hips. The feeling of Paul around him is too overwhelming, too powerful and intense. He feels his strength leaving him, his breathing deep, shuddering and labored as he breaks the kiss only to bury his face in Paul's neck, his knees barely keeping him upright.

Paul's legs spread wider, arms curling around Jacob's neck as he clings to him as if it is a matter of life or death. It is getting so intense that breathing is hurting their lungs. They both are covered in thick sheen of sweat and Paul's skin is getting so sticky that Jacob feels him slipping from his grasp.

His hands slide shakily over Paul's supple hips and down his thighs as he thrusts grow sharper, curter, almost feral. His blood is boiling, heart racing inside his chest as scorching heat starts spreading though his body and limbs like molten lead. Paul's nails dig into his shoulders again, back arching sharply off the table as he clenches around Jacob painfully tightly, the feeling so raw and lewd that Jacob can't hold back the choked, guttural groan that leaves his throat. Paul's whole body is racked by deep, powerful shivers, his lips bruised from being bitten on as he struggles to stifle his cries and Jacob knows undoubtedly that his every thrust is hitting the right spot dead on.

"Let go… don't hold back, Paul… let me hear you…. I want to hear you…" He whispers feverishly as their eyes meet again. Jacob wants it, he needs to hear it… he needs to hear the sounds which only he can elicit from Paul. "Moan for me… babe… let it go…"

Paul clings to him harder, his inner walls constricting around Jacob fervidly, drawing him deeper if that is possible, squeezing the strength out of him. What little control Jacob has left slips through his fingers and he slams into the writhing body beneath him with such immense force that if Paul wasn't clinging to him the thrust would have sent him on the floor.

"Oh… God… Jake!" Paul cries out in a sobbing moan, hips jerking and convulsing in erratic spasms against Jacob's, heart threatening to erupt through his ribcage. Jacob's strong, long arms wrap around the shaking frame of his lover tighter, bringing him closer. There is almost no rhythm left, just hard, famished, relentless thrusts which leave them both breathless, shivering and on the edge of consciousness.

Paul is not holding back anymore, his choked moans and desperate whimpers filling the quiet room, ringing in Jacob's ears, coating his senses with shimmering, frenzied euphoria. Jacob knows that they won't last much longer, oblivion about to swallow them both at any moment. He pulls away slightly, the ruthless, curt motions of his hips never stopping as he stares at Paul's face. He wants to watch him come, he needs to see that face… to keep the image in his mind when the cold reality of the new day will steal Paul from him again.

His fingers curl around Paul's rock hard erection carefully, his hand starting a slow torturous pace, the complete opposite of the merciless snapping of his hips. The contrast is killing Paul. He is almost sobbing under the other boy now, shaking hands mapping frantically over Jacob's wide chest, nails clawing at his hard pecs and, fluttering with each sharp intake of air, abs.

Paul is hot in his hand, sticky, pulsing and throbbing and Jacob increases the pace, the table about to fall apart under the immense power of his thrusts.

Then he feels it, feels how Paul completely loses it. He slams hard into him one more time and the boy's back arches so hard that for a moment Jacob thinks that Paul's spine will snap. Paul's mouth falls open, nails digging harshly into the hard chest beneath his palms as he sobs out Jacob's name in a hoarse, husky cry. His creamy fluids drip over the hand that is still stroking him slowly, and spill all over his glistening with sweat chest and strained abdomen.

Jacob will never forget that face – Paul's flushed, burning cheeks, his bruised swollen lips parted in abandon, the sparkling with tears and so much excruciating longing and passion brown orbs that stare at him through thick, heavy eyelashes.

That look proves enough to drive him over the edge.

All he manages is a single thrust and a choked, throaty groan as the feverish spasms of Paul's scorching tightness abduct him and rob him of his strength. His hips convulse harshly in a couple of lewd, racking jerks as his eyes roll back in their sockets. It is pure miracle that he manages to stay upright while wave after overwhelming wave of blinding pleasure overflow his whole body. Paul drains his climax from him, squeezes around him till they both feel boneless, breathless… completely spent.

He collapses on top of the other boy, his elbows on either side of Paul's head as their foreheads press together, chests wrenching with harsh, erratic and ragged intakes of air as they struggle for every breath.

Jacob rubs the back of his hand over Paul's cheek, relishing the warm flushed skin, the way Paul leans against his touch and sighs lightly.

He wishes this night never ended. Jacob wishes he could stay in this moment forever - only him and Paul…no restrictions and rules, no imprinting… no Rachel… nothing besides them…entwined in each other, belonging only to each other…

Jacob closes his eyes briefly as he swallows thickly. Reality can't be crueler than it is at this very moment… and he can't be more masochistic than now, when he lets himself dream about something impossible and absolutely unattainable.

The moment he opens his eyes, his breath catches at his throat. Jacob can see his own pain and agony mirrored in Paul's shiny dark orbs.

It is killing him… even looking at Paul hurts more than he can endure…

With a sharp intake of air Jacob tries to pull away, his legs are numb, shaking, unsteady… hands still rigidly clutching at the other boy. But Paul halts his half hearted attempt as he wraps his legs tighter around Jacob's hips, keeping him in place as he cups his face with shaking hands.

"…Just a few more minutes… let us stay like this a little longer…" Paul whispers quietly, his voice weak, strained, thick with sorrow as bitter tears start running down his cheeks in slow, hot lines.

Jacob freezes on his place, his chest heaving with a choked sigh as he nods slowly and presses their foreheads together. His fingers caress Paul's burning, flushed, damp cheeks, Paul's warm, uneven breath fluttering against his lips.

Neither of them knows how long they stay like this, just staring in each other's eyes, Paul's shaking fingers running over Jacob's face, caressing his cheekbones, sliding over his temples, brushing through his jet black hair.

"… I love you…" Paul whispers quietly against his lips and Jacob feels his chest clench as a pang of sharp agony pierces his heart and takes his breath away. He squeezes his eyes tightly shut, a single hot tear sliding down his cheek as his jaw clenches rigidly.

Paul presses their lips together and Jacob answers on instinct, his tongue sliding urgently inside the moist, hot mouth that opens for him so willingly and eagerly. Paul's taste makes his head spin, makes his heart swell with emotion and helpless longing. They pull away, gasping for air, soft pants leaving their lips as their eyes lock again.

"But you love _her_ more."

This time Paul doesn't manage to prevent him from pulling away. Jacob lets go of the other boy, a low groan leaving his lips as he finally pulls out, Paul whimpering and wincing at the action. Jacob makes a couple of steps back, his legs still unstable as he leans against the nearest wall and exhales deeply.

He would give anything… anything to hear Paul denying it. To know that it is not true… to know that this depraved, forceful magic called imprinting hadn't bent Paul's free will completely…

But Paul remains silent. Tears running quietly down his cheeks as he moves shakily, trying to sit on the table but eventually decides against it. He is painfully sore, dull pain throbbing in his lower abdomen and bottom. His bare feet hit the floor as he stands up unsteadily and turns his back to Jacob, heavy sigh spilling from his lips as his palms press flat against the table.

"I… I have no other choice…" Paul whispers, his hushed voice barely audible in the quiet room. Jacob crosses his arms in front of his chest, eyes unconsciously sliding over Paul's alluring form, down the curve of his back and bottom to his caramel, stained with come quivering thighs.

"You will understand when you…"

"I won't!" Jacob growls as he rubs his face with both of his hands, his jaw clenching. "I won't let it happen! I won't let a twisted spell control my life!"

"Nobody asks you for permission, Jake…nobody asked me whether I want it or not…"

Jacob lets out a heavy sigh, his fingers brushing through his hair in agitation as he starts pacing around the room, chest heaving with deep, shuddering intakes of air. He doesn't say anything… he can't retort to Paul's last words. What Paul says is true, it is a undeniable, cruel, painful truth. And no matter how badly and desperately Jacob wants to deny and ignore it, deep down he knows that there isn't anything that he can do to prevent it… to fight against what destiny has in store for him. Heavy, tangible silence sets in the semi dark room and Jacob shudders slightly when he feels the sweat covering his body starting to cool.

"This…we…. what we did… it can't happen again…."

"Paul…"

"Never again… "Paul whispers in a broken, strained voice as he wraps the towel around his hips with shaking hands. "Never again, Jacob…."

Paul inhales deeply as he makes his way to the door in unsteady, shaky steps but he doesn't make it far. A warm hand grabs at his wrist and pulls him back and before he can react or fight it he finds himself pressed to a warm, wide, heaving with deep breaths chest.

Jacob cups Paul's chin and titles his head until their eyes meet in a heated, tortured gaze.

"I love you…"Jacob breaths out as his thumb strokes Paul's tearstained cheek slightly.

"Jake, I…"

"I love you more than she ever will."

Paul snuggles against Jacob's chest, face burring in his neck, hands curling around his waist. Jacob's hand strokes Paul's short, inky black hair, his nose burring in the soft locks as he pulls him closer.

"I know…" Is all Paul whispers against the heated skin of Jacob's neck. He raises his head slowly, a lump forming in his throat as he meets a pair of warm, brown, rimmed with tears orbs. His fingers dig into Jacob's shoulders as he presses their lips together for a desperate, full with so much affection and sorrow kiss. Paul pulls away all too soon, his whole body shaking slightly as he makes a single step back, his legs still too unsteady.

It is starting to get brighter outside, the pink and orange hues of the breaking dawn creeping through the window. The golden light caresses Paul's face, making his skin glow softly under the first sunrays of the new day.

Jacob realizes that he has never seen anything more beautiful and more painful in his whole life.

Paul's taste is still lingering on his tongue, the warmth of his skin still making Jacob's body tingle as he watches him leaving the little room.

Paul stops by the door for a second, his fingers sliding over the doorframe as he turns his head and looks back.

"Goodbye, Jacob." Jacob hears a soft, shaky voice whisper and before he can answer or say something Paul has already disappeared out of the door.

* * *

><p>He has expected that everything will be like it had been before.<p>

It is not.

It is worse…

Time passes slowly, day after day and the dull throbbing inside his chest becomes sharper, hotter and more intense with every following week.

Jacob is like an addict fresh out of rehab. An addict who had been given a single fix after months of painful deprivation and now, when the mind-blowing ecstasy from his personal drug is no longer rushing through his veins the piercing, toxic and torturing claws of the abstinence sink into his bleeding heart and scorch his flesh.

Paul is his drug… his pain… the one who holds Jacob's heart in his hands. The only one who can bring him to the highest heaven or throw him into the deepest, infernal abyss…

But Jacob is sure… he knows that heavens shall not be his… not in this life.

They all are in the kitchen now. Having lunch at the same table on which he had made Paul whimper and writhe in fervent delirium two weeks ago…

He bites at his bottom lip lightly as the memory scorches his mind. His mouth filling with bitterness and frustration as his fingers dig into the armrest of the chair. Jacob hadn't even touched his food… his stomach tied in knots. Dark premonition is rushing through his whole body making his muscles tense and strained.

His eyes follow warily Rachel as she stands up from her chair and smiles brightly when she looks at Paul and then at Billy excitedly.

Her face is beaming, her cheeks covered with light blush of commotion.

It makes Jacob sick.

"I... I have something really important to tell you…" His sister says cheerfully and Jacob can feel Paul's eyes on himself… not on Rachel. He forces himself not to turn his head, his gaze fixed firmly on his sister as his breathing becomes heavier, slower.

"I have had doubts for a while and…" Jacob's chest heaves with erratic, deep pants, his whole body heating up, nails nearly clawing at the wooden chair. Paul is not looking away… not averting his gaze even for a second… it is so tangible that Jacob can almost feel it over his skin.

"I took a test early in the morning…" Jacob's eyes are on Rachel but he sees nothing, his heart slamming against his ribcage, teeth sinking into his bottom lip painfully harshly.

His will crumbles slowly with each passing second, it's getting harder and harder fighting it… until he finds himself unable to resist. Jacob's head snaps to Paul's direction. Their eyes lock in an intense, almost mindboggling gaze…

"…I am pregnant…" Rachel all but squeals as her face blooms into a smile. "I am pregnant with Paul's child!"

The first thing Jacob perceives is the choked gasp leaving Paul's lips, the way his eyes widen in dismay and shock… the way Paul's fingers grip at the edge of the table.

And then his hazed with bitterness mind finally catches up to what his ears has just heard. Everything seems to slow down. It feels as if he is underwater, he can't move, his breathing becomes more and more shallow with each passing second… his heartbeat pounding deafeningly in his ears.

Jacob sees Billy's lips moving but he doesn't hear a single word. A wide smile appears on his father's face as Rachel bends to give him a hug. His eyes focus on his sister's flushed, smiling face, her light laughter ringing gruesomely in his head…. His bleeding, battered heart making an agonizing, torturous stutter… Jacob can't breathe ….

"Our baby, Paul!" She chants arms wrapping around Paul's neck as she sits in his lap and kisses him on the cheek. "We are going to have a baby!"

He meets Paul's gaze…their eyes meeting painfully, torturously…

A lump stuffs his throat, venomous agony fills his mouth…

Jacob stands abruptly from his chair, the wooden piece of furniture falling on the floor with a dull thud. Nobody seems to notice, nobody but Paul, who is just staring at him with something between desperation and pained helplessness.

Jacob bites at his lower lip. Eyes filling with tears… throat tight and dry… sore with torment. His mouth filling with a taste he knows so well now… taste he has almost gotten accustomed to. Only now it is a hundred folds more intense and sickening.

Jacob Black knows how heartbreak tastes like. It is bitter, cold and tasteless. It tastes like tears and need, like masochistic longing… it has the taste of Paul's lips and the warmth of his caramel skin. It is suffocating, scorching, drowning, crushing and freezing all at once….it is thick and toxic…. it makes him wish he was dead.

The shocked, pained look on Paul's face is the last thing Jacob sees before he makes his way to the door. Nobody tries to stop him, nobody calls after him as he leaves and slams the front door shut.

Outside, the sky is dark and murky, with a sick cast of green… the wind howling through the forest, making the trees bend and shake. Heavy, cold, merciless rain is pelting against the house, the cold droplets attacking Jacob's heated skin the moment he steps out on the meadow.

With a tortured groan, he phases. The beast within him tears at his human body, fights its way out, leaving a burning numbing heat on its wake.

He howls. The sound is loud, agony filled and resonating… mirroring all his pain and torment.

His legs dig into the mushy dirt as they push him forward. He makes his way towards the dark, thick clouds in the east, towards the endless, covered in wet grass plains… beyond the horizon, beyond La Push… beyond the pain…

The muscles in his legs burn from the effort, the hollow, venomous and numbing feeling inside his chest spreading over his whole body…

Then he hears it. A cry… a call….a pleading, desperate scream…

It's him…. it's him crying out for Jacob…. It's Paul calling his name.

He doesn't stop.

His mind forces his body to keep moving, to struggle against his treacherous heart that demands of him to come back….

It's all over…. It's all dead.

That new life growing inside of Rachel will kill what little there is left between him and Paul… what little still keeps on breathing and agonizing despite the circumstances…

He never stops…

His legs straining as he picks up the speed, muscles burning, wrenching from the effort…

He keeps running…

Jacob Black never looks back.

* * *

><p><strong><em>~FIN~<em>**


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